Friendships

I'm writing tonight just to document and journal my thoughts thats what blogs are for right?? Anyways, this evening I had a wonderful time chatting with a old high school classmate for a few minutes, and reconnecting with a childhood church friend after dinner. It really got me thinking about my experiences with friends throughout my life. Ever since I was a very small child I always felt like I was on the outside of my peer group....this coninued on through Jr. High, High School and even college. You know I had friends but I always viewed all the rest of the group of friends closer to one another than I was to any of them, and I think for the most part my interpretation was probably correct. I can remember in grade school being isolated from my group of friends because they thought I was "too preppy" and sitting and just crying on my moms lap saying "why doesn't anyone want to be my friend?" these feelings continued to haunt me at times. But here recently I seem to be blessed with a ton of friends some quite new others older friends from a different lifetime ago, like my friend Pam. We have not seen each other for close to 20 years until this evening, and yea there were some awkward silences a few times, trying to catch our breaths from catching up from so much lost time, but overall our visit was wonderful, and quite amazing how even as adults childhood friends still have a lot in common and similar beliefs and interest. And I know our friendship will grow even more now that we are adults. I'm not sure what has happened over the last year or so, am I more confident, self-assured that I don't care what others think of me, are people just more friendlier now than they were before, am I choosing better friends? I'm not quite sure what it is, but I think it's a combination of just being more mature, confident, and allowing God to work in my life. I'm more happy because of that relationship with God and so people may just be drawn to fellowship with me, not sure but I'm sure thankful and feeling blessed for the wonderful friendships I have!

The Cross

Earlier today after dropping off our nanny at class I was driving her car, a chevy, and Aiden said "look mommy there's a cross on her steering wheel" taking a minute to actually see that the chevy symbol does look like a cross, I said "yea you are right and what does the cross mean?" Aiden replied "It means Jesus died on it for our sins". I followed up with yes and why did Jesus do that.  Aiden's response was "because we dont want sin" ME:well yes we don't but he died because he loves us so much.Aiden: "oh yea". I just absolutely love seeing these little moments of faith shine through in children and just had to share it.

Some times it is challenging to feel like we are fostering a spiritual, and Christian path for our children but if we keep communication open and plant seeds of truth they will grow spiritually and yes will see a cross in sticks, macaroni, and yes even car symbols.

What little moment of faith have your children shared with you?

Forgiveness

Okay this post is really just going to be a journal for me to collect my thoughts, and who knows maybe help someone along the way. Anyways this past week has been emotionally exhausting as you may have noticed from some of my devotions. I know in the Big picture of the Life GOD has blessed me with the situation is very minimal but I'm having a difficult time forgiving someone who hurt me tremendously. This person is someone I respect, love, and care for so it is painful to have no commincation with her the past few days. However, I can't seem to forgive what she has requested and said to me, and have taken the attitude of "waiting it out until she apologizes" I have prayed a lot about this, and the issue of concern is regarding disciplining our children and I feel that no one has the right to tell us how we discipline our children unless we are paying them for a conference or therapy or something. When I pray I wonder if I'm just hearing what I want to hear "Sarah, I love you thats all that matters, you are a great mom and you are raising your children to follow ME" and filtering out what is difficult to hear "Sarah I love you and so does this person forgive them and move on". And I wonder if the person who hurts me is only hearing what she wants to hear "Guide her, support her, help her" and filtering out "let her live her life I will watch over her". My human side does not want to forgive, I want an apology!!! This person knows how much my feelings were hurt but continues to stand her ground saying I need to change how I'm raising our sons, particularly our 3 year old. Like I said I want an apology I dont want to forgive her!! So tonight I'm scouring The Bible on Forgiveness for some guidance

 "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive me their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins~Matthew 6:14,15"
 "Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you~Colossians 3:13"
"Be kind and compassionate to one another forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you~Ephesians 4:32"

Okay i think I know what I need to do, but it will be very difficult, and will probably hurt my husband since he is very angry about this situation as well and is all in favor of the "wait until she apologizes" option.

Finding Balance?

Okay today something hit me like a ton of bricks: I seem to do more for almost complete strangers than for my own family, especially my husband Nathen. In the last year I've volunteered my time to great and worthy causes, and have taken on an attitude of service, you know showing Jesus' love to others. Well today as I was getting a sympathy card for someone I went to high school with (someone that wasn't even really a close friend and have not seen in over 15 years) who lost a friend to suicide; while I was looking for a card I thought of the last time I got my own husband a card...and sadly I can't remember. Earlier I had signed up Aiden for a church preschool fun day, this after a morning in which he made it blaringly clear that he needs more time with me (the fun day is a drop off type situation), I later emailed the children's ministry director and asked to volunteer in Aiden's group so I could help out while spending time with him. I really feel God leading me in so many different directions of service, whether it be preparing meals for someone who recently had a baby, mentoring teen girls, reaching out to an old high school friend who may not know the Lord, and doing nursery at church. But today God laid it on my heart that people in my own home need me more right now than maybe some of the other people I'm reaching out towards. So how do we find the balance of service, spreading Jesus' love to non believers and not neglecting our own families? I'm really struggling on finding a balance and being honest with myself I think I take Nathen for granted  so much of the time, I know he's always going to be there, goes to church with me, and is a Christian, but the reality of it is he needs his wife to put him 1st on her human priority list (of course God is #1). So this is what I'm striving towards is making sure my husband is happy, content, and needs met before running off to try to save the world. Now I'm going to go ahead and follow through on my plans with my high school acquaintance and send a card and book on grief and loss, because I know this is what God wants me to do. And will complete my mentoring responsibilities with my teen girls because its just one more week. But before I jump into more service opportunities outside of my own house I'm going to pray for guidance, talk to my family, and really analyze before making a decision that may result in my families needs being neglected.

Now I know this is kind of a heavy topic, and you may be wondering, Sarah, what is going on are Nathen and the boys okay? And yes everything is fine, just need to get my priorities straight and I've found journaling is a great way for me to get answers to my questions. Finding a balance is possible if I just slow down and pray and talk to the people that mean the most to me, my family.